His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
