I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
