Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
wat bout pragnant strippers??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
