Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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