taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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