I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
