I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
