But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm too high and old for this...
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