We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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