if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She's the barista slut.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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