I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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