it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
