Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sarcasm needs its own font
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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