nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
