Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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