we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
