I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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