if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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