you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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