We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
last night I used snow as a chaser
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