i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
