oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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