You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
