i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
