i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
did you just send me my own nude
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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