Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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