Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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