Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
