hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
