I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh god it's open bar.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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