toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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