How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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