dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
