he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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