I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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