Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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