You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
