Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
