I think I won the penis lottery.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
