Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
