maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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