peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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