is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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