So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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