I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
