I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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