Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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