the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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