Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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