Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
